The Simple Beauty of the Human Spirit

On the hospital unit I work on we had a lovely elderly lady who was, unfortunately, very confused.  She was on our unit waiting for a bed to become available in a long term care facility. Often she would talk to someone we could not see.  And at other times she would be incredibly frightened, curling up into a little ball and cringing at whatever she perceived was clawing at her.  It broke my heart to see her so terrified. 

Amazingly, she responded well to touch--the gentle stroking of her hair, or caressing of her hand, covering her in a warm blanket, and telling her it would be okay.  Her faded grey eyes would light up, she would smile and sometimes say, "I wondered when you would come."  We sat her near the nursing station in a reclining chair, so staff could keep a close eye on her and give her the comforting attention she needed.

Another patient on our unit was recovering from a severe stroke and also waiting placement.  The stroke left this elderly man wheelchair bound, but he became very good at shuffling his feet to move his wheelchair around.  His face was permanently contorted into a mask; open droopy mouth, tongue swollen and protruding, drooling, and speech mostly incomprehensible.  Regardless, the kindness and wit in his sparkling blue eyes was remarkable.

On a hectic Friday afternoon, unknown to staff, our elderly lady was having one of her terrifying hallucinations.  When the buzz settled down I looked up and saw our gentleman holding her hand, looking into her eyes and nodding reassuringly.  She smiled contentedly at him and grasped his hand in both of hers.  He stayed with her until supper came.  We were all moved by the sight, and thanked our patient for being a true gentleman.  Some joked about love being found on the unit.  But it really wasn't that.  Rather, it was two lonely souls touching each other at a very raw, uncertain time. 

Looking back on that afternoon, I am not sure who was most blessed that day:  the confused, panic-stricken lady who was instantly comforted, the elderly man who felt needed despite his frustrating disability, or the staff, who were reminded of the simple beauty of the human spirit. 

Some days at work can be very draining.  But afternoons like this make it all worth while. 

In the end, only kindness matters.

~From "These Hands" by Jewel~

__________


Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,

a smile,

a kind word,

a listening ear,

an honest compliment,

or the smallest act of caring,

all of which have the potential to turn a life around. 

~Leo Buscaglia~

Happy Birthday Bret

It's hard to believe you would be 17 today--my sweet middle child.

When I look at your two brothers here with me, I can't help but wonder what you would look like.

  

Would you have dimples like your big brother or a strong jaw like your father? 

Maybe I would have a son with blue eyes, glowing like your great grandpa's or grammies'. 

Would you have dark hair like gramps' or fiery red hair similar to your little brother's?  

Perhaps I would have an extra driver in the house to help run your little brother around.  

And what would you choose to do for fun--play baseball or hockey like the other boys?  Maybe neither--perhaps you would be a music fanatic--beating the drums or pounding the piano to the measure of your own tune!

Unfortunately, you were not meant to be here on earth with us--but as your mom I can't help but wonder...

What I know for sure is all you have taught me:

Time is precious--spend it wisely.
It's okay to cry.
Love transcends all we see.
Don't let anyone "should" on you--sometimes we need to do what feels right in order to heal and it doesn't always fit with what other people think.
You are always with me in my heart, fluttering to a different measure.
Comfort can be found in the simplest places: ivory apple blossoms, the silver sparkle of sunshine on snow; the melody of the wind playing with the leaves, the dance of a butterfly, or the easy stream of rain on my face.  

Thank you, child of mine, for these wonderful treasures you left behind. I am forever grateful.

Love you forever,

Mom

xo

A Lesson Learned

Today I went back and forth with myself, deciding whether or not to visit a patient that is no longer on my caseload, and who is now under hospice care.  I try to be very conscious of the boundaries I set with my work, but his extended family is all out of province and he does not have a wife or children to provide support.  We developed a good connection in a short period of time while he was in acute care, both displaying a "tell it like it is" mentality enveloped in mutual respect.  I eventually decided to go--worried he would have few visitors in his final few days on earth.  Besides, I had an appointment in that area of town--maybe it was meant to be...

I am glad I went.  Although the cancer had metasticized and he was in a lot of discomfort, he said he wanted to "back off" from the pain medication because he had "a lot to think about."  I asked him what he would tell himself if he was sixteen again.  He kind of skirted the topic by sharing what life was really like for him at that age, having just lost his Dad and living with an alcoholic mother whom he loved fiercely.  It sounded like chaos.  But with his incredible spirit he managed to obtain his high school diploma and get a trade.

Unfortunately, he inherited his mother's propensity and led a hard and fast life down that same path--escaping his pain and unfounded insecurities.  He was successful in living the fast life he chose--always finding work to finance the fun.  This brought us back to present day and his losing battle against a cancer that sometimes rears its ugly head in response to a reckless lifestyle.  And so I asked the question from a different angle; what would be the soundest advice he could give my two boys, aged 18 and 14.  His clear blue eyes welled up with tears as he said only two words: "slow down."

As our visit came to a close, he gave me some last minute instructions and I did the same, reminding him, "say what you need to say."  He cocked one eyebrow, smiled and said, "You know I'm good at that," to which I responded, "Yes, I should know that by now."  After we hugged good-bye I walked out into an unusually warm February afternoon and stared up at the brilliant blue sky that reminded me of his translucent eyes.  Then I remembered something my junior high science teacher told our class one day.  At the time my classmates and I thought it was very odd.  Out of the blue Mr. Shandro told us..."Remember to slow down and smell the roses."

Slow down.

Water filled my eyes as I realized I didn't come today just for him.  I came for me--to relearn an old lesson and to validate some recent choices.
Thank you kind sir.

“The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”

~Ernest Hemingway~

Miriam-Webster describes grief as a "deep sadness especially for the loss of someone or something loved."  Indeed, our minds usually wander to the tragic loss of a very special person in our life, and unfortunately, too many of us have had the misfortune of experiencing this tragedy first hand.  


Over the last year I have come to learn more about other forms of loss--loss that occurs amongst the living.  In particular, I have been honored to work with a group of Head and Neck Cancer survivors, and they have taught me about various shades of loss as they journey through their battle against this brutal cancer.  


Head and neck cancer can include cancers of the esophagus, thyroid or salivary glands, voice box, sinus, mouth, tongue or lips.  Some victims of Head and Neck Cancer are former smokers and/or alcohol consumers, however there is an increasing number of people with HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) who are non-smokers and develop this disease.  This is the same virus associated with the development of cervical cancer in women.  Firefighters can also fall victim, and acid reflux disease is also cited as a cause for this brutal cancer.  Head and Neck Cancer is the 6^th most common cancer in the United States, and men are about 50% more likely to be afflicted than women.


I have discovered that Head and Neck Cancer survivors face a number of losses.  Many must endure radical surgery, radiation therapy and chemotherapy.  In doing so, aspects of daily life that we take for granted can be severely affected, including breathing, eating, speaking and appearance. 


A poignant example is the cancer patient who has much of their tongue removed.  Tissue from the patient’s forearm is transplanted onto the tongue to assist with swallowing.  Can you imagine trying to eat and talk with this newly-formed mouth?  As a result, many patients grieve the loss of the “simple things” like enjoying an ice cream cone, or sipping a refreshing soda on a scorching hot day (which may cause a burning sensation).  Taste buds are altered and are never the same.  Some have to receive a feeding tube temporarily, while others never regain the ability to swallow. 


Our society seems to revolve around celebrations that include eating or drinking.  Think of Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner without the turkey…or birthdays without cake.  Even “going for coffee” is an issue. Those survivors that are able to continue swallowing often take a very long time to eat, or require copious amounts of water to avoid choking because their saliva glands are no longer adequate.  They are at risk of aspiration and illness such as pneumonias, not to mention recurrence of the dreaded cancer. 


In addition to these challenges, the radiation therapy can cause tooth decay, resulting in the loss of teeth. and sometimes requiring radical dental reconstructive surgery.  Patients can go for months or even years without any teeth.  And if the cancer gets into the jaw bone, it must be removed and eventually reconstructed with bones grafted from the leg. 


The oral cancer patient also faces a change in voice and ability to speak.  Some people might wrongly assume they are intoxicated on the phone.  For many, their voice and pronunciation is never the same.


Thus, Head and Neck Cancer patients are “faced” with many losses; including eating, drinking, socializing, talking and appearance.  Undoubtedly these concerns can affect one’s self-esteem, sexuality and everyday functioning.  I am honored to be part of a support group that helps these patients cope with these losses and discover the new beautiful person they are becoming. 


Yes I know Movember just happened and many of you are tired of cancer fundraising.  But Manuary is just as important.  Men grow beards to cover the remnants of their oral surgery—women aren’t quite so lucky in being able to cover up their scars.  I am wearing a beard in my picture to raise awareness.  Won’t you help me raise funds to support treatment of this brutal, less-known cancer?  Please visit www.manuary.ca, go the to "Donate in Edmonton" link and click in my name: "Cindy Haugen."  A receipt will automatically be sent to you for your generous donation.

Thanks!

Cindy

xo

Sources:

http://www.manuary.ca

http://www.headandneck.org

http://firefightercancersupport.org

http://www.cancer.ca