Friday, January 11, 2013

Shrouded in Haze

"Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever."

I guess that's true--but it's a hard pill to swallow.

Some losses are succinct, and cut to the bone: someone you care deeply about moves away, or (heaven forbid) dies. 

Other losses are shrouded in haze: you lose a friend because they are not who you really thought they were.  When they suspect you know they are not a person of integrity, and they are fairly certain you will address concerns with them, suddenly they pull away.  They dodge out of Dodge, so to speak.  Cowardly, but understandable, given the circumstances...they run for cover.

But rejection cuts no matter how you slice it...even though you realize you are far better off without chameleons in your life and need to surround yourself with light.

Still, you grieve a loss like this as you would any other.  But what you really miss is what you thought you had--a loving friendship with a sincere, forthright person.  Truthfully, you miss a fictional character.  For me, this experience has certainly made me appreciate my true friends so much more deeply, and for this I am grateful.

And so I will be gentle with myself as I ebb and flow through waves of sadness--as my heart cleanses, and heals and makes way for a new friendship to fill an empty space.  A real one. ♥